Writing an Introduction to Your Fictional Story – Part 1

admin — Sun, 30 May 2010 01:40:25 +0000

The introduction to a story should be short and sweet, yet get to the point. It should sell what your story is about, and preferably it should be a cliffhanger. It should make your reader actually want to read your story.

Here is an excerpt from one of my stories:

The front door of the starship opened up, and the troops stood in two parallel lines, single file. They all put their arms over their chest. Orbital walked down the stairs and he was pleased to see his men being obedient, as they should be. He walked between the two lines of troops and took a good look at the sky.

(We are just outside the perimeter of the capital. Once the capital falls, then the Earth Military Forces will fall into chaos, which will lead us to victory.)

One of the troops stepped out of the line and approached him. “Lord Orbital, our sensors detected an intruder coming in from three o’clock.”

Orbital’s eyes squinted. “An intruder?”

Osborne, coming from the sky, landed on the grass. He was startled to see Orbital in person. This is the real thing. Up until now, he’s only heard about this person and seen him in pictures, but now he is facing the most important man in the entire empire. “Orbital…”

The fact that he came alone made Orbital curious.

Osborne did not care about how scared or overwhelmed he is by this man’s presence. “Orbital…You…you are the one responsible for this war! You were the one who destroyed Space Station Boaz, and now you want all earthlings to suffer?”

One of the Muraians stepped forward. “How dare you speak this way to Supreme Commander Orbital, the one who holds the highest position in Murai and the universe?!”

Orbital extended his arm, silently signaling the troop to stand aside. The troop obeyed at once.

“I sense some dissatisfaction in you, High Commander Osborne.”

Osborne was startled. “You know who I am? You’ve done your homework.”

“Of course. You are one of Headmaster Jerrell’s most important subordinates. You Galactic Police have been causing me a lot of trouble. You’ve become a nuisance…an eyesore.”

“Is that why you destroyed Boaz? So you can have your revenge?”

Orbital laughed. Osborne had no idea why he is laughing. He just grunted.

“This is not about revenge.” replied Orbital. “Boaz was merely a warning. It was a sign to the Alliance members not to interfere with us. But apparently you police did not take my warning seriously.”

Osborne got so mad that he charged energy into his fist. “You’ve already taken enough lives for your campaign. No more will the galaxy have to suffer at your hands!”

“My dear friend, you speak as if I have wronged. No, it is the opposite! I am doing this for the good of the galaxy.” replied Orbital. “All species seek to be ruled. The galaxy is diverse and unorganized, and I am merely providing a system to put everything in place. Planet earth is just begging to be ruled by us. The universe is made up of those who are ruled, and the rulers, and we are merely fulfilling our duties according to the Ko-Rashm.”

“You’re insane!!” Osborne charged forward and punched.

Orbital dodged the attacks swiftly. Osborne was fighting with his anger, he was a bag of hot air. Whoosh. Whoosh. Orbital dodged punch after punch. Osborne has had it, and he performed a high kick. Orbital jumped over him, somersaulted smoothly, and landed on the ground in a crouch.

Osborne turned around and charged forward and punched. “Yaaaaah!” However, his determination was a waste, as Orbital blocked his punch, and counter punched him in the face. Kapow!! Osborne fell to the ground and rolled a few times before coming to a stop.

The hero got back up, still determined to win. Orbital was able to damage him this much, that’s not bad for an old man.

“You are twenty years too early to be fighting against me.” taunted the tyrant. “I have been in the battlefield much longer than you have.”

Osborne powered up. “Tell that to someone who cares!” He fired a beam forward.

Orbital quickly pressed the switch on his bracelet, and he was surrounded by a shield. The beam hit the shield. Kaboom! The person inside was safe and unharmed. Osborne grunted and continued to fire non-stop. But none of them were able to penetrate the shield. Kaboom! Boom!

Osborne stopped firing after he grew tired.

Orbital gathered energy. “Now I will show you why they call me Orbital!” He released the energy into the air, and it took the form of a sphere, and it is an energy orb, a big glowing orb floating in the sky. Osborne had no idea what he was looking at, and he grew afraid. The orb went towards Osborne and zapped him by sending a ray to him. Zzzzzzzt!

Osborne screamed as his energy was being drained. He tried to resist, but it was too much for him, and he fell on his knees. “Uhhgh! Aaaaah!” Despite the torture, he still would not give up. He went forward and tried to grab his enemy. Orbital punched him hard, knocking him to the ground.

The floating orb went over to Osborne and continued to suck his energy. It was painful every second, and Osborne couldn’t get up.

As the orb sucked Osborne’s energy, it was feeding the energy to Orbital. Once Orbital had enough, he disabled the orb. The hero could barely move. Two soldiers came and grabbed him by the arms and lifted him up. He moaned in pain.

Troop A: “Sire, we should finish him off right away. He is a threat to our plans.”

“No.” Orbital replied. “He is one of the high commanders of the Galactic Police. He will be useful to us.”

“You w-won’t get away with it.” replied the fallen hero.

“And who is going to stop me? The Galactic Police? Ah hahahaha!”

Osborne came here, hoping to defeat the leader of the Empire, but he not only failed, but he became a prisoner. What does this madman have in mind for our hero?
disapparate

The Rocket Stop » Earthlings

Writing an Introduction to Your Fictional Story – Part 1